


5/5 Group Texts

by makesmewannatsss



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, M/M, Reality, because it probably will never be muahaha i'll keep adding, because of course there's a fuckton of it, just a bunch of drabbles that are a headcanon of what i imagine their texts to be like, non-au, others are more of a "here's what happened at this time", some are funnier than others, the rating is for innuendo mostly, these are all oneshots so please don't wait for it to be completed to read it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-19 09:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2383775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makesmewannatsss/pseuds/makesmewannatsss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of oneshots detailing One Direction's group text message conversations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wonder Ection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was inspired by this post: http://makesmewannatsss.tumblr.com/post/98784498459/a-look-inside-of-harrys-iphone-ios-8#notes and its mention of a group chat last night. I desperately wanted to see what it said, LOL, so I took it into my own hands and wrote a bunch at one in the morning. Let me know how it turns out!

**Spring/Summer 2014. LA/London.**

Harry Styles changed the conversation name to "Wonder Ection"

Zayn: wtf is with this new name

Harry: Get it, 'One Direction,' ‘wonder ection,’ ‘wonder erection’?

Louis: it’s dedicated to me arsehole malik

Liam: that literally makes no sense if u wanted 2 go 4 that y didn’t u just put in wonder erection

Louis: haha ‘put in, wonder erection’ do you mean like what we did last night

Liam: u havent seen him in 5 days

Louis: FIGURE OF SPEECH

Louis: and don’t remind me *sobs*

Liam: y do I even try

Zayn: you’re all missing the point H you’re supposed to be good at shit puns and this is just a bad shit pun

Niall: I like it !!!

Harry: I appreciate you, Niall. Suck it, Zayn.

Louis: don’t you dare go anywhere near ‘it’ zayn

Harry: In your own words, figure of speech.

Louis: I KNOW that

Louis: where are you btw

Harry: I’m at Jeff’s office. He says “Hi” to you all and he looks forward to seeing you next week.

Niall: HI JEFF

Liam: hey

Louis: my flight lands at 4 your time who’s picking me up xx

Zayn: don’t you two have your own text convo for this

Niall: Zayn don’t break up this family.

Harry: MY MY THEY COULD NEVER SHUT US DOWN

Liam: don’t u have contracts 2 sign on our behalves harry

Harry: Shhhh Liam. Also, you know full well that I don’t sign anything without you. I’m just here to be a pretty face.

Harry: I’ll be there by Arrivals on the west side babe.

Niall: HAHA WESTSIDE

Louis: fuck you mate that’s my job

Liam: remind me of the point of this conversation again

Harry: Zayn was criticizing my puns? Have to go now, talk to you later. xx H

Zayn: why does he sign off his texts all the time as if we didn’t know it was him?

Louis: 1. He doesn’t do it ALL the time. 2. keep criticizing my fiancé and find yourself another weed supplier.

Zayn: harry is love harry is life

Louis: that’s more like it

Liam: again. Y do I even try.

Niall: hey Louis n harry when u come back I found this twitter account I want to follow but I have to run it by u two first I think.

Liam: I don’t even want to know do i

Liam: hello

Liam: I’m taking that as a no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will probably update these rather often and in bursts - I like it because it gives me a fic outlet without anything that's too time-consuming for school. So let me know if you have requests!! (The chapters don't follow a continuous timeline so feel free to bring up anything from any time.)


	2. Baes

**September 2014. LA/London.**

Niall Horan changed the conversation name to ‘Baes’

Liam: what is a bae and y is it here

Niall: google it u gotta keep up with the times mate

Liam: fine later

Niall: where is everyone else

*ten minutes later*

Zayn: I didn’t realize we had regularly scheduled texting sessions, Niall.

Niall: I just miss u all when we aren’t together :’( :’(

Niall: for the record I’m being a sarcastic shit.

Zayn: I know babe me too. x

Niall: ok good I love u

Liam: can I get in on the love

Zayn: of course xxxxxx

Niall: I have a feeling h and lewis are getting in on their own kind of love right now judging by their silence

Zayn: I fucking hate you do you know that why the fuck do you stick these images in my head all the time I’ve seen enough and more for all of us you know that

Liam: so much for lovefest

*thirty minutes later*

Louis: why do you always assume we’re fucking?

Niall: because you are

Harry: We were having dinner.

Liam: o ya time change and all

Niall: I misssss you idiots

Louis: three more days baby

Harry: Rosebowl.

Zayn: h this isn’t twitter you don’t have to be cryptic and weird.

Harry: This is real this is me.

Liam: speaking of twitter

Louis: I probably don’t want to know so don’t tell me

Liam: another rant is coming in later this month

Louis: yeah I didn’t need to know that

Harry: Throw shade.

Niall: LIKE MY FOLLOW FUCK YEAH

Louis: you’re really proud of that aren’t you

Niall: no duh

Louis: as you should be :)

Liam: give me shade lessons next week haz

Harry: Will do.

Harry: Zayn what did you do today?

Zayn: a few pieces but not anything big

Harry: Well, send some pictures our way.

Louis: or better yet bring us one with you we’ll hang it on the wall

Zayn: sure

Liam: y don’t I have any of ur new artwork in my house

Zayn: if it really matters to you I can bring some by tomorrow

Liam: of course it does xxxxxx

Niall: LOVEFEST IS BACK ON

Harry: Speaking of..

Louis: peace bitches

Zayn: oh my god.


	3. After iHeart

**iHeartRadio Festival 2014.**

Louis: niall watch my sister for the rest of the night please. we’re headed back to the hotel. xx love you.

Liam: y are u leaving now??!?!?!? and y is niall the one watching lotts

Louis: because you broke your own damn hand doing god knows what so I’m not entrusting you with my sister and zayn’s not at the same club. And hazza is sick he needs rest xxx

Niall: gotcha bro we’ll have an epic time

Harry: 1. Don’t post any pictures online or people will think you’re an item. 2. I’m not that sick, really, I just need to sleep today off.

Louis: harry put your phone away and go back to sleep.

Harry: I was never asleep.

Liam: y aren’t u in the same car

Louis: fuck you, you must be really drunk to ask that.

Liam: shit srry. can’t think straight rn.

Niall: anyway lottie says hi

Harry: Hi Lottie.

Louis: HARRY. SLEEP.

Harry: We’ll be at the hotel in less than five minutes.

Louis: you worry me :(((((

Harry: I love you too.

Zayn: ahh, lovers’ telepathy

Niall: lottie is laughing her ass off at these messages

Louis: why are you showing my 16yo sister our group text??? you never know what someone’s gonna say in here.

Harry: This is a family show.

Liam: harry what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me ideas! Here or on tumblr. (same username/URL.)


	4. Emojis

**Mid-September 2014. Las Vegas/San Antonio.**

Harry: When is your flight landing? *sad face emoji*

Niall: Harry they’re in the air they can’t text you

Harry: iMessage.

Niall: right.

Harry: hurry up the car is waiting niall.

Niall: comin gimme a sec

Zayn: we only just took off, we have another hour

Harry: Okay… *sad face emoji* *sad face emoji* *sad face emoji*

Zayn: sorry :/

Louis: hi.

Harry: Howdy stranger.

Zayn: we’ve still got like a week before we hit Oklahoma hold off on the cowboy just yet

Louis: Don’t worry haz you can be a cowboy tonight I won’t let zayn crush your fantasies

Louis: HAHAHAHAHA !!!

Louis: that’s what you get for sass, malik

Harry: *blushing emoji* *heart eyes emoji* *pointing emoji* *‘OK’ hole emoji*

Louis: the dream team.

Zayn: in WHAT universe is pointing out basic facts sass?

Zayn: also the door’s been closed get your arse over to my row

Louis: I’m trying , I got stuck in a conversation with the handler across from me

*one minute later*

Louis: thanks for the save

Zayn: you literally just said that to my face why are we texting still

Louis: for the group’s sake. It would be rude to completely shut them out of our conversation.

Harry: No one likes to feel excluded.

Zayn: sorry

Harry: I was being funny..

Zayn: your tone is hard to read over text sometimes you know this

Harry: I try.

Niall: why the fuck did you just take off ?? you were supposed to go like twenty after us

Harry: NIALL THE CAR IS WAITING.

Niall: I’m coming jeesh

Harry: ‘I’m coming.’

Zayn: you’re lucky I’m in a generous mood, I’ll let that one slide.

Louis: if niall is actually having a wank in the toilet I quit life

Niall: I was taking a shit oh my god

Zayn: anyway we took off late because reasons

Harry: As in?

Harry: Wait, let me guess.

Harry: You had to do a photoshoot, didn’t you?

Louis: well pin a rose on your nose

Harry: I wish I had known. I could’ve sent some song lyrics out into the ether. *disappointed emoji*

Louis: yeah well I wish I’d known ahead of time too

Harry: *sad face emoji* *blowing kisses emoji* *heart emoji* *heart emoji* *heart emoji*

Louis: love you too.

Louis: liam is asleep btw if you’re wondering where his radio silence is coming from.

Harry: I’m going to take a page out of his book when we get to the hotel.

Louis: I’ll come in quietly <3

Harry: When are you going to embrace the emoji lifestyle? *heart eyes emoji*

Louis: NEVERRRRRR

Niall: *every emoji on his phone*

Harry: Okay, now that’s impractical.

Louis: the wifi is bad up here you’re clogging my phone, Horan.

Louis: another reason to stay away from emojis.

Harry: Please don’t judge emojis off of young Niall’s misuse.

Louis: too late.

Harry: I’m going to buy you an emoji birthday cake in December.

Louis: no you’re not

Harry: Yes I am.

Louis: no you’re not because it’s my birthday and you know I like plain vanilla cake with plain white frosting and you can’t make an emoji cake like that and you don’t want me to be sad on my birthday now do you?

Harry: I’ll buy you a plain vanilla cake with plain white frosting.

Louis: *he shoots, he scores*

Harry: …And Niall is going to buy you an emoji cake.

Niall: it would be an honor.

Zayn: again, you two have a private conversation for this weird shit

Harry: We were literally talking about birthday cakes. Please explain to me how you found that ‘weird.’

Zayn: it’s always weird or kinky with you guys

Louis: we haven’t discovered a cake kink yet but thanks to you maybe we’ll try it

Harry: I can have a cake waiting in the room.

Louis: please do

Harry: Wake me up with it..

Zayn: if you don’t shut up right now…

Niall: well I’m intrigued

Zayn: I’m taking liam’s advice. Talk to you later

*two minutes later*

Harry: He realizes we were joking, right?

Louis: or were we?

Harry: I don’t know, we can talk about it if you really want to, but I personally don’t want cake shoved anywhere but my mouth.

Louis: …I was joking too…

Harry: *thumbs up emoji*

Harry: I want cake now, though. I’m going to call ahead for one.

Louis: you are the pinnacle of a rich popstar

Niall: really. ordering cake for his and his illicit boyfriend’s hotel room. Pinnacle of a rich popstar alright

Louis: fair point.

Harry: We’re coming up on the hotel. Talk to you when you get here. xx H

Zayn: ooh the mysterious h I wonder who he could be

Niall: I thought u were asleep Zaynie.


	5. Ride 'em Cowboy

**September 2014. Oklahoma/Austin.**

Liam: oh my god harry

Liam: niall said u rode a bull but i didn’t think id be blessed enough to get video evidence

Zayn: we truly are blessed

Niall: hahahahahaa suckerrrrs i got to witness it in person

Zayn: ^ your video is equally hilarious

Niall: …i didn’t know that existed

Liam: RIDE EM COWBOY

Louis: what the FUCK are you all on about

Louis: also harold is sleeping you made me crawl across the bed to turn his ringer off.

Liam: do urself a favor and google ‘harry styles mechanical bull’

Louis: I never google any of us you know full well that’s how I operate

Liam: do it this time it’s worth it

Louis: I refuse on principle

Zayn: hold on I’ll send you the video

Louis: ok fine I’ll watch it if you send it to me but do you really think I’m going to be impressed considering what I see firsthand on a regular basis?

Zayn: you’re lucky I’m still sending it after that comment. ATTACHED: harry_styles_austin_bull.MOV

*two minutes later*

Niall: hello did u watch it

Niall: here’s mine maybe this will impress u ATTACHED: niall_horan_bull_rider.MOV

Liam: dude im not even louis and just from that i can tell that harry is infintly more talented in the sack than u

Niall: im not used to riding a dick maybe that’s why it’s different

Zayn: where did louis even go

*half an hour later*

Harry: Morning lads.

Niall: did u just wake up?

Harry: No, I woke up half an hour ago. How’s your hangover?

Niall: ive seen better days

Niall: u?

Harry: Better than when I first woke up, that’s for sure.

Liam: what is that even supposed to MEAN

Liam: wait have u seen louis

Harry: Yeah he’s right here, why?

Liam: …never mind.

Louis: HAHAHAHA morning sex for the win

Harry: *thumbs up emoji* *heart eyes emoji*

Zayn: so I take it you liked the video

Harry: *smirking emoji*

Louis: I plead the fifth.

Niall: did u watch mine

Louis: no we were trying to create the mood not destroy it

Niall: *sad face emoji* *crying emoji* *sad face emoji* *crying emoji*

Harry: Practice makes perfect, Niall.

Zayn: remind me again why we’re so obsessed with their sex life

Harry: It isn’t polite to talk about people as if they aren’t listening, Zayn. xx

Zayn: spaaaaareee meee

Louis: we just watched your video niall we can give you pointers if you want

Liam: did u just proposition him 4 a 3sum?!?!?!?!

Louis: LIAM IT WAS A JOKE

Louis: no one is touching harry but me don’t worry.

Harry: Likewise. But if he wants to learn how to ride a mechanical bull more attractively I can give him lessons on how to do so, fully-clothed, of course.

Niall: meh ill pass

Louis: good because I was about to get huffy if you said yes

Zayn: I’m going back to bed.

Louis: us too !!!

Harry: xx H

Niall: looks like it’s just u n me liam

Niall: liam?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me ideas! :)


	6. The Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a bit sporadic, but i think group texts, especially on wild days, tend to be like that. (i will be doing the other night's proposal next!)

**Jay's Wedding.**

Louis: where is my FUCKING corsage thing?!?!

Niall: how the fuck am I supposed to know

Louis: sorry this was for harry

Louis: but he shouldve read this too WHERE IS IT

Zayn: listen mate please calm down

Louis: I CAN’T CALM DOWN MY MOTHER IS GETTING MARRIED AND I CAN’T COMPLETE MY OUTFIT

Harry: Please try to relax. I’m in the shower, I’ll be right out. xxx

Liam: harry how r u texting from the shower

Harry: I have my ways.

Niall: do u need me to go buy u another one louis ?

Louis: no it has to MATCH my suit!

Louis: sorry I’ll try to calm down lottie just yelled at me apparently she can hear me pacing

Zayn: it’s ok mate it’ll be fine. wish I was there.

Louis: it’s okay

Louis: it can’t be fine though it has to be perfect

Liam: it will be now let us know if we can pick anything up for you

Louis: xxx

*fifteen minutes later*

Louis: excuse me everyone I have an announcement

Liam: what

Louis: I have the best fiancé in the world thank you very much.

Niall: we know this

Harry: Thanks Niall.

Niall: np mate

Zayn: what did he do?

Louis: found my corsage of course

Louis: daisy took it thinking it was for her flower basket

Zayn: harry saves the day

Harry: *grinning emoji*

Louis: we’re leaving for the church soon

Liam: just picked Sophia up

Liam: we look so hot

Louis: wtf this is my mother’s day liam don’t steal the limelight

Harry: No one could top Jay today, Lou, don’t worry. Lottie is yelling for you from the car by the way, please make your way down before everyone has a collective heart attack.

Louis: hold on I have to fix my hair

Harry: If your hair looks as fantastic as it did five minutes ago then you’re good to go. xx

Louis: jesus CHRIST how are you so calm harold

Harry: I’m really not that calm, I just wrestled two whinging ten-year-olds into the back of a limousine. But your hair looks better than it ever has, so I know you’re fine.

Louis: I’m sighing right now fyi

Louis: but I love you and I’ll be right down

Harry: I love you too.

Zayn: you SICKEN me

Zayn: in the best way possible

Harry: *smirking emoji*

*later in the day*

 Niall: hey I have an idea

Louis: go for it

Niall: I’m gonna play who’s the more attractive couple

Niall: you two or liam n soph

Louis: Niall how many drinks have you had

Niall: four

Niall: you ain’t seen nothing yet

Harry: Louis and I win, hands down.

Zayn: entitled much

Zayn: send me pictures stat

Harry: Just sent some to our personal. It’s a beautiful day. I’ve cried five times already.

Harry: (Don’t tell anyone but that’s only half as much as Louis.)

Louis: …

Louis: I have a reputation to uphold

Harry: Anyway.. My point was that we automatically win as most attractive couple because Louis is a part of it.

Louis: …make that eleven times

Niall: awwwwwww

Liam: I just gagged on my drink

Louis: hazza where are you

Harry: your mum just snagged me to meet some people

Louis: oh ok go do that find me after xx

Niall: this is such a beautiful day now I’m going to cry

Niall: I need another drink

Zayn: why do I miss everything?

Louis: don’t worry me and hazza’s wedding will be even better

Zayn: yay :)

*twenty minutes later*

Harry: Oh my God Lou, I love your aunts.

Louis: you would :)

Harry: Where are you? Did the paps leave? I want to dance.

Louis: Come in the fourth tent and we’re good. :)

Liam: listen i love u too and all u no that but im tryn t get wasted and ur lovey texts keep blowin up my phone

*ten minutes later*

Louis: get wasted on our LOVE

Louis: I may or may not have had a few too many drinks as well

Louis: the cosmos are reallllllly good

Liam: the croquet game is stupid

Liam: I threw the mallot

Harry: That’s not very nice.

Liam: its an inanimate object r u still in that tent

Harry: Yes, now I’m turning my phone off, I need to enjoy this day.

Louis: saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.

Zayn: damn you’re pissed.

Niall: hahah ha ha ha mee tooooo

Liam: I can’t find u.

Niall: u can find me im over heer dancing under the pink light

Liam: niall im wasted as fuck and I can still tell ur makin a fool of urself


	7. The Proposal

**October 2014, Atlanta.**

Harry: Alright friends.

Louis: I'm offended you'd group me in with your friends.

Harry: My bad. Alright friends and boo thang.

Louis: better

Harry: *heart emoji*

Louis: <333333

Zayn: oh my god i'm assuming Harry came in here with something to say and it turns into this for shame

Louis: don't be bitter malik

Zayn: I'm not bitter I'm perfectly content in my own relationship thank you very much

Harry: 'Content' isn't the most assuring word.

Zayn: fuck off the lot of you

Harry: I didn't mean any offense. You know I love you two.

Zayn: i'm just in a mood right now

Niall: someone's sad because their giiirrrllllffrrrriiieeennndddd left themmmmm

Zayn: shut it

Zayn: :(

Harry: Aww.

Louis: we'll be back soon, z.

Liam: wat were u sayin h

Harry: So there's a guy.

Louis: excuse me

Louis: is this guy named louis

Harry: No.

Harry: MY guy is named louis, there is A guy named Bradley who needs a favor.

Louis: what kind of favor and from who

Harry: All of us.

Niall: ......

Louis: six people is a bit much for an orgy don't you think harold

Liam: i'm not participating in an orgy w all of u

Liam: or at all really

Zayn: is this supposed to make me feel better about pez going back to england because if so it's not working

Harry: And you lot get mad at me for making everything sexual.

Harry: I wasn't finished explaining!

Niall: dude we're playing keep going

Harry: ANYWAY.

Harry: He wants to propose to his girlfriend at the show tonight. My mum saw the trend.

Liam: ok that's kinda sweet

Harry: Yes, and we shouldn't be the sort of people to stand in the way of love.

Louis: my fiance is a sap

Louis: and i love it let's go

Zayn: (y)

Niall: love love everywhere


	8. TMI

**Early 2014. LA/London.**

Louis: God, I just really need your dick inside me right now, Harry. I need you to fuck me so hard. Pound me into the mattress. Please.

Zayn: THE FUCK DID I JUST READ

Niall: WHERE IS THE BLEACH 

Niall: look i'm as curious as anyone but mate that was too damn much

Liam: it's too early for this shit...

Louis: ok riddle me this how come when I actually need to talk to you all you take forever to get back to me but when I accidentally send a private text to the group chat you're all here within seconds?

Harry: So do I respond to the initial message or not?

Zayn: for the love of god take it elsewhere

Niall: wait i've recovered from the shock i have a question

Harry: About what?

Niall: the initial message

Zayn: stfu

Louis: are you actually going to question us on our sex life I thought we got past this stage like three years ago

Niall: fine u don't have to answer

Harry: What is it?

Niall: just curious how often does louis get dicked down now and vice versa

Zayn: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW THAT

Harry: IDK.

Louis: it depends i guess

Liam: haha dicked down that's funny

Louis: you do it too

Louis: like you dick Sophia down

Liam: the fuck, stop talking about her like that

Louis: oh my GOD how was that derogatory at all all i did was express the same sentiment you did about me and harry

Liam: that's different

Louis: HOWWWWW

Liam: idk just like i know u two it's ok to talk about that

Louis: I know Sophia

Liam: not like i know u

Harry: Louis, can we go back to our other conversation now?

Niall: don't leave us u can fuck all the time

Harry: Actually no, we can't, as we're currently half a world away from each other with a rather killer time difference, and we're both busy as fuck. I really fucking want to get off with Louis right now, so if you'll excuse me I'm going to go set up Skype.

Liam: someone's sexually frustrated

Niall: I never find skype sex as fulfilling as the real thing

Louis: does anyone

Louis: but also you're not in a serious relationship it's different

Zayn: this is so annoying

Louis: don't be a prude

Zayn: I'm not a prude you all just put some images into my head that i've been trying to get out for the past year

Louis: Harry is calling bye. Have to go get my dildo.

Zayn: actually WHAT THE FUCK

Liam: is it the one he gave u that's molded to his dick

Niall: haha I remember that he got me to help

Zayn: ...


	9. Drunken Pumpkin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i couldn't resist doing one based off of last night :)

**October 2014. LA/UK.**

Harry: helloooooooooooooooo

Zayn: did you go out?

Harry: im home nowww

Zayn: lol mate

Harry: rly drunkk

Niall: this is beautiful *wipes away a tear*

Harry: why are u cryin

Niall: because you look like you're super gone and it's funny

Harry: im not gone im at home

Liam: and u all make fun of me for how i get

Zayn: nah mate Harry's is funnier because it doesn't happen as often

Harry: I get drunkkkk a lottt

Zayn: yeah but not like this

Louis: you're at home???

Harry: ya

Louis: are you alone? do you need anything?

Liam: lol louis

Louis: look I'm concerned

Harry: haha concerned lou dont be worried bout me

Louis: I can't help it you know that

Harry: u should be drunk too it's fun

Louis: I know it's fun but it's also three in the afternoon here

Harry: afternoon drunk then

Louis: we'll see

Louis: are you going to throw up?

Harry: already did on your side of the bed sorry

Louis: that's okay I know you'll clean it tomorrow

Harry: gross

Harry: but yeahhhhhh

Louis: stay talking to us until you feel a little more sober, ok?

Harry: where did everyone go tho it's only u

Harry: i can stay talking to u tho ur my favorite

Niall: heyyyyyy

Harry: well u left

Harry: and ur not louis he's always my favorite

Louis: love you too pumpkin <3

Harry: pumpkin i bought a pumpkin

Louis: I know you did

Harry: can i wait till u get here to carve it

Louis: yes you can do whatever you'd like

Zayn: this is disgusting

Zayn: you have a private conversation for this mush

Niall: i like reading it it gives me hope

Louis: aww Niall

Harry: Niall wants Niall gets

Liam: what does that even mean how much did u drink

Harry: tequillllaaaaaaaaaaaa

Harry: yummmm

Zayn: that explains everything

Louis: what should we carve on the pumpkin Hazza

Harry: I like when u call me hazza

Louis: ok hazza :)

Harry: we should carve

Harry: a baby

Louis: a baby?

Harry: yes a baby and we can carve the words baby tomlinson underneath

Zayn: OH MY GOD

Liam: I can't wait until he wakes up and reads this

Niall: hahahahahaha ha hahaha ha

Louis: you want to put our future child on a pumpkin?

Harry: ya then we can practice

Harry: wait no

Harry: pumpkins rot

Harry: i would be sad if our baby rotted

Liam: harry u r truly a gift

Harry: but now im thinking of a rotted baby and im sad

Louis: we don't have to carve a baby on the pumpkin, hazza

Harry: oh ok

Harry: what do we carve then

Louis: LET'S CARVE MY DICK ON IT

Zayn: wow

Harry: but then your dick will rot

Harry: and that would make me almost sadder than a rotten baby I think

Niall: u realize pumpkins aren't real don't u

Harry: all I realize is that the tequila is making my head throb

Louis: go take some paracetamol. 2. Only 2. Then drink a big glass of water and lie down in the guest bedroom. Text me once you do that. Then sleep.

Harry: I don't want to sleep in the guest bedroom I like our bed

Louis: I know babe, but you threw up on our bed, didn't you? You shouldn't sleep on it until you clean it.

Harry: i guess

Louis: go do that then, and sleep <3

*ten minutes later*

Liam: is he ok

Zayn: he's drunk off tequila I'll be impressed if he reports back at all

Louis: if he doesn't I'll have to call him and if he doesn't pick up I'll have to call Jeff and make him go over because I can't let Harry die from potential alcohol poisoning now can I?

Niall: don't worry he's fine

Harry: Niall is right I am fine

Harry: im in the guest bed now

Louis: good. love you. rest.

Harry: love u too love u the mostest

Harry: love u other boys too

Niall: awwwww love u Harry see u soon

Liam: love ya sleep well read this in the morning and laugh ur arse off

Zayn: <3


	10. ot5 All or Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...because you know they would.

**LA/UK. October 2014.**

Harry: Well.

Niall: ha ha ha good morning sleeping beauty

Harry: Fuck you.

Harry: (Not really.)

Zayn: lmao

Harry: It’s not even ‘good morning,’ I’ve been up for six hours.

Niall: I suck at maths u know that.

Harry: I did a thing.

Liam: u do lots of things harry

Louis: does ‘thing’ mean ‘wanked off to a picture of your fiancé’?

Zayn: …was that necessary

Louis: yes

Harry: No, ‘thing’ means vomited off the freeway.

Niall: oh

Liam: oh

Zayn: oh

Louis: oh

Louis: are you okay now

Zayn: oh my god louis it was a hangover he threw up he’s fine

Louis: I WORRY OKAY

Harry: *heart emoji* I’m fine, Lou.

Louis: <3 okay good

Harry: Well, a pap got it, so I wouldn’t say that it’s all ‘good,’ but otherwise, yes.

Louis: the fuck

Liam: damn

Zayn: gross

Niall: >_<

Harry: They were trailing us like normal, is all, just got lucky.

Louis: well i’m mad now

Harry: Not worth it. Just wanted to tell you all before they hit.

Louis: let me be mad on your behalf

Niall: awwwwww

Niall: liam n me could go get wasted and puke on the M6 to make it a thing and take the heat off

Liam: thanks for asking niall

Niall: u would do it tho

Liam: …true

Louis: zayn and me could do it too

Louis: make it a thing

Louis: ONE DIRECTION THE PUKING DRUNKEN SUPERSTARS

Zayn: listen harry you know i don’t get papped often but if you wanted this i would do it

Harry: How are you four the best people in the world?

Niall: cuz we are

Liam: ^^^

Harry: Really, though, I appreciate it, but that’s quite unnecessary.

Louis: you never let us have any fun

Harry: …If I’m not mistaken, I let you have fun every night.

Louis: fair enough. i see no lie there.

Niall: HA

Zayn: just because of that, i’m turning my phone off

Liam: wait i don’t get it

Liam: OH


End file.
